Likability is often the tiny difference between victory and defeat in life, in relationships, and in business. Swing the odds in your favor with this little tactic.
How do you get somebody to want to do business with you, fall in love with you, maybe not love, but really like you a whole bunch, how do you get somebody to do that in 40 milliseconds?
Well, it is possible, and to understand how that happens, and it happens all the time by the way, to understand how that happens, let’s talk about bacteria. Now bacteria have this really amazing … all living cells do this, but let’s focus on bacteria, bacteria have these really amazing ability to read each other; to sense what kind of bacteria they are and whether they’re friendly or not so friendly; whether they should eat them up, or join forces with them; whether they should just ignore them, whether they should join with them and swap DNA; and all these kind of little indicators. It’s called quorum sensing, quorum sensing, QS for short. And this quorum sensing, what happens is, on the outside of the bacteria there are small little molecular, signaling molecules, tiny little signaling molecules. Now when the bacteria bump into each other, they read the signaling molecules, assess what it is and then they take action accordingly.
Now you and I have the exact same thing, although some of our signals are not so molecular in size, but they’re going on all the time. See, for example, right now, you are watching me, and you’re assessing all the facial features, the micro-expressions that are going on inside my face; you’re looking at my posture, my breathing, you’re even, it’s an amazing thing, you’re even sensing my heart rate based on movement of my skin and the pulsing and the excitement in my voice, and you’re processing all of that completely unconsciously. And you’re getting a gut feel right down in your solar plexus, you’re getting a gut feel for what kind of person I am and whether or not you like me, trust me, want to do business with me, or completely ignore me.
Now here’s the thing that you have to understand, you can actually control this, by controlling the signals that you’re sending, but there’s a catch to this, and this is why the concept of charisma and influence seems so elusive and mystical and magical to so many people. And the reason for that is because, yes, you can control the signals that you send to other human beings, but you can’t directly control them. You can’t directly control them because the vast majority of them are happening at a subconscious level, or inside of what’s called your second brain, which is a big set of nerves down in your solar plexus, that’s reading and registering signals and data output outside of the conscious mind and the core nervous system.
Well this is an amazing thing, and so if you can’t directly control what signals you’re sending, then how in the world do you send the right signals so that in 40 milliseconds, the time that it takes for you to be read and analyzed and assessed in that first interaction, how do you, how do you send the right signals. Well the answer’s pretty simple. The answer lies in the Inner Game. In other words, having the right set of code running in your subconscious. See what we’re doing is we’re constantly reading each other’s subconscious signals, and the way that you really think about somebody is showing up in what’s called a limbic response. In other words, your physicality is transmitting that signal of what’s actually going on inside of your subconscious mind.
So the answer is, well, you can’t control directly, the signals you’re sending, but you can control the code that your mind is using, the blueprint that your subconscious mind is using, when you interact with other people. Well, this is an interesting thing; how do you change that code? I have a two word reprogramming suggestion for you, and I’ll let you decide what the reprogramming gets to be, here’s the two word reprogramming suggestion, what we’ve found is, through studies and science, we’ve found that the code inside of your subconscious mind is generated and adjusted, reprogrammed, based on these two words: emotional repetition.
Now think about this for just a moment, how did the code get there in the first place? Your [inaudible 00:04:39], your perspective, food you like, people you like, what’s dangerous, what’s not dangerous, all of that got designed and programmed based on when you were a tiny little infant. And as a tiny little infant, you looked up at mom and dad or your caregiver, and you watched. What kind of food were they eating? What kind of circumstances were they in? What were their emotions? What were their limbic responses, are you started trading this database, over and over, thousands and millions and millions of impressions a day, all centered around somebody you had high emotional attachment to, mom or dad, right? And then you started being aware of siblings and then other friends and that kind of expanded. But emotional repetition. High emotion, and the programming time, the repetition, can be lower. Low emotion and the repetition needs to be higher.
And so when you’re emotionally charged, when you’re emotionally connected, when you have deep concern for somebody else, then they will sense that, and they will feel it. When you’re emotionally engaged in your goals and your hopes and your dreams, you perform so much better because you’re restructuring what’s going on inside.
And so high emotional repetition, is the thing that will allow you to restructure the code your subconscious mind is using, particularly the one it’s using in relation to other people, and if you can change that, and shift that up, then you don’t have to worry about what you’re doing with your hands or your shoulders, or how you’re breathing or what your micro-expressions are on your face or any of that kind of stuff. It’ll flow out naturally, because it’s already flowing out naturally and by the way, you can’t stop it.
So whatever is actually going on inside your subconscious, will show up on your person. The quorum sensing signals, the little tiny indicators on your outward appearance, in your breathing, in your face, in your eyes, it will show up, you will be read. So you can decide what signal are you sending and is it creating the life, the influence, the connection, the success, the wealth, that you want it to connect?
Well you can change it. You can change it today, emotional repetition. It is the key.
I’m Joshua Boswell, thanks for listening.